“Survivor” in EducationMay 26, 2007 at 12:41 am | Posted in education | Leave a comment
>Next Season on Survivor
>Have you heard about the next planned “Survivor” show?
>Three businessmen and three businesswomen will be dropped in an elementary
>school classroom for 1 school year. Each business person will be provided
>with a copy of his/her school district’s curriculum, and a class of 28 – >32
>Each class will have a minimum of five learning-disabled children, three
>with A.D.D., one gifted child, and two who speak limited English. Three
>students will be labeled with severe behavior problems.
>Each business person must complete lesson plans at least 3 days in >advance,
>with annotations for
>curriculum objectives and modify, organize, or create their materials
>accordingly. They will be required to teach students, handle misconduct,
>implement technology, document attendance, write referrals, correct
>homework, make bulletin boards, compute grades, complete report cards,
>document benchmarks, communicate with parents, and arrange parent
>conferences. They must also stand in their doorway between class changes to
>monitor the hallways.
>In addition, they will complete fire drills, tornado drills, and [Code >Red]
>drills for shooting attacks each month.
>They must attend workshops, faculty meetings, and attend curriculum
>development meetings. They must also tutor students who are behind and
>strive to get their 2 non-English speaking children proficient enough to
>take the Terra Nova and PSSA tests. If they are sick or are having a bad >day
>they must not let it show.
>Each day they must incorporate reading, writing, math, science, and social
>studies into the program. They must maintain discipline and provide an
>educationally stimulating environment to motivate students at all times. >If
>all students do not wish to cooperate, work, or learn, the teacher will be
>held responsible. They must smile as parents verbally assault them and
>blame them for the ills of the educational system.
>The business people will only have access to the public golf course on the
>weekends, but with their new salary, they may not be able to afford it.
>There will be no access to vendors who want to take them out to lunch, and
>lunch will be limited to thirty minutes, which is not counted as part of
>work day. The business people will be permitted to use a student restroom,
>as long as another survival candidate can supervise their class.
>If the copier is operable, they may make copies of necessary materials
>before, or after, school. However, they cannot surpass their monthly limit
>of copies. The business people must continually advance their education, >at
>their expense, and on their own time. The business people must be on >their
>best behavior in public places at all times and be ready for >parent/teacher
>conferences in the middle of the mall or local supermarket at a split
>They must endure the heartbreak of sending children home that they know
>will not receive help with homework, a meal, clean clothes, or a loving
> They must buck up and try not to cry on the last day of school when the
>children they have spent most of the last nine months, and have come to
>love or care deeply for, go off to the rest of their lives, most of the
>time to never see or speak to them again.
>The winner of this Season of Survivor will be allowed to return to their
I will modify the last sentence to read: The winner of this Season of Survivor will be allowed to return to the classroom the following year and feel great satisfaction of a worthy job well done.